if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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