My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
