I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
