so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize