Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
