I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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