He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
