Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
