I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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