She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
