I just threw up on my dentist
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
