I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
