Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
