I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
