Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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