on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
