Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
