it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
