just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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