Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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