I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
