is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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