I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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