do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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