Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
