Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
