What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
