i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There's always time for handjobs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
