dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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