He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize