You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
