Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
