obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
