I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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