sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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