so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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