what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
