I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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