dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
