come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize