my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
