I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
