Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
