College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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