if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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