omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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