Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
