walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He felt like a one man threesome
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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