We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
