Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize