What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
