I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
