I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
