Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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