So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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