I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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