he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
