I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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