At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
