There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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