Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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