we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
