All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
