I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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