Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
