I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize