I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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