remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
