I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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