i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm passing your future prison.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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