Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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