morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
