Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Your face is a jimmy john
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
