how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You were trust falling into bushes
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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