My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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