I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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