it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
