Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
