he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
