piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
