He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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