I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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