Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im holly from the hills drunk
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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