we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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