I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
where am i from again
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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