No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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