We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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