Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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