look no pants
she looked like the before picture.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
