My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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