I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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