saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
