I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
