I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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