so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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