Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
