i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
