Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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