Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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