dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
