dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
