WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
