i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
