DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
