I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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